Do you walk or carry yours?


There are two types of people in the world.

  1. Those who believe dogs should be walked.
  2. Those who believe dogs should be carried.

On a recent trail walk,  my dog Rufus and I turned a corner and nearly collided with these two guys.

Image result for gay guy picking up small dog

It was hard to say whether or not they had been arm in arm before our arrival, or if the football hold on Princess was merely a reaction to Rufus’ all black, 110 lb frame charging around the corner.

I am inclined to think the latter.

Dogs should be walked, should they not?  They do, in fact, have four legs.  That’s gotta say something.

As we walked on, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the both of them.  Sorry for the dog, that his owner’s fears precluded him from being the surefooted yappy dog he was born to be.  And sorry for the owner, that his desire to control had left him blind to his own helicopter tendencies.

Rufus, on the other hand, is a hell of a guard dog and certainly does not need any carrying.  I already told you, he’s 110 lbs and when someone knocks on our door, he barks so loud that the picture frames on our walls shake and turn sideways.

But you know something interesting I discovered about myself recently?  While I may snicker at Pomeranian-carrying- wannabe-wide-receivers like my neighbor, I’m guilty of another, bigger kind of desire for control.

I like to scoop Jesus up and put Him into a football hold.

In fact, I’ve been running around with him in a baby bjorn these last few months.

I’ve gotta tell you guys if I’m being honest, I’ve practically tried swaddling him and giving him a Sophie Giraffe to teethe on, as a matter of fact.

image 0



Because that’s what we do, when our lives take an unexpected unwanted twist, right?  We say “HOLD ON!  This train wreck is not part of plan A.  I, now I have a really clever plan, that looks nothing like this yours god, so I’m just going to stick this nice little paci here into your mouth, and I’m going to just kinda sorta take over this situation, okeee???”

Because when God intervenes with something good, we call it “Providence” or “Divine intervention”.  But what about when it’s something unwanted, like Cancer, infertility, loss, or or or?

What do we call it then?  It doesn’t feel “divine” anymore, does it?

Asaph had a really rotten life, he was a little bit like Job actually.  Nothing was going well for him, while everyone around him was thriving.

“What’s going on here? Is God out to lunch?
    Nobody’s tending the store.
The wicked get by with everything;
    they have it made, piling up riches.
I’ve been stupid to play by the rules;
    what has it gotten me?
A long run of bad luck, that’s what—
    a slap in the face every time I walk out the door.”  (Psalm 73; The MSG) 

He doesn’t sound like a goody two shoes Christian does he? (Certainly not one that should’ve gotten a publishing deal!)  I love this part in verse 17 where everything changes for Asaph…

“…when I tried to figure it out,
 all I got was a splitting headache . . .
Until I entered the sanctuary of God.”

You see, Asaph reached the end of himself, and realized that’s where God began.  Nothing about his circumstances change, notice, but everything about his heart does.

“(v.22) I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox
    in your very presence.
I’m still in your presence,
    but you’ve taken my hand.
You wisely and tenderly lead me,
    and then you bless me.

25-28 You’re all I want in heaven!
    You’re all I want on earth!
When my skin sags and my bones get brittle,
    God is rock-firm and faithful!”


My bones are getting brittle from chemo, and now that I’m about to enter chemical menopause (thanks Lupron!) while still in my 30’s, my skin will start sagging too.

BUT GOD…I can sing like Asaph did….

You are rock-firm and faithful!  You’re all I want in heaven!  You’re all I want on earth!  It doesn’t matter what our circumstances are, it doesn’t matter how much of a train wreck our lives have become.  When we have Jesus, we have everything we could ever dream or imagine.

Be encouraged with me friends, if you’re on Plan B, or Plan F…..know that it is no surprise to our Father.  It’s his Plan A, it’s always been; and He is weaving your story into His masterpiece, for His glory, and for your eternal good.

Treatment Update: I’m at the 1/2 way point. 4 chemo infusions DOWN, 4 more to go!!!

Love you guys,


PS  I love hearing from you guys so leave a note below if this meant something to you, and please also feel free to share my posts with loved ones




10 thoughts on “Do you walk or carry yours?

  1. I absolutely love this blog, HEidi!!! Even though I don’t consider myself religious… I gain so much from hearing how Jesus/faith works in your life. The post about Dave shaving your hair and the next level of love cancer is bringing to your marriage – literally had me balling in the middle of the Nature

    Sent from my iPhone



  2. … sorry, I prematurely sent “send” in the middle of my last email. Where was I??? The post about Dave shaving your head and the new level of love you two are experiencing was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. I literally started balling at Agua Hedondia Nature Center and then called my mom and balled to her about it. Your humor, tenacity and faith during a time when some get grumpy and resentful is truly astounding!!! I’m so honored to know you and I pray that I would be as graceful as you when/if I walk thru a similar challenge. I have been so consumed with my life lately (all fantastic but terribly busy). I don’t know what you need right now – but I do know that I can offer some time with those three kiddos that I miss terribly. It’s just a matter of hijacking my calendar. Can we get a date set up???? (BTW: when this post came thru this afternoon- I had literally just drove past you with the Mickus clan and you were walking Rufus and I thought, “holy sh*t, that woman is a power house!” Thank you for being a beautiful example of humanity! Love, Sarah

    Sent from my iPhone



    1. Wow Sarah, thank you for this note and your transparency and encouragement! For what it’s worth, I don’t consider myself a religious person either! When I hear that word, I think of people trying their best to be good enough for God. And unfortunately for them, that doesn’t work for Him. He does all the work and reaches down and rescues us and loves us without us doing anything but saying “Yes God, I need you!”. It’s really quite simple actually. Thank you for being in our lives and loving on our kiddos =) I can’ WAIT to see you tomorrow! XO


  3. Girl! You made me get teary-eyed! Love love loved your post. You’re right on! Thinking about you and want to come down and visit!


  4. Heidi, love you, love your posts, love your transparency and that you share it with us. I pray for you every day!
    Happy 1/2 way point 🙂 stand firm in the one who is rock firm and faithful. Love you


  5. Heidi: I just now read this post from October!! Your mom mentioned your blog yesterday and I realized I wasn’t receiving the notice so I am now much caught up. I am praying for you this morning as you have the final infusion….ugh….much delayed by God’s own hand. Why do these disappointments come – why does our Father not just make everything easy for us…..after all aren’t we His chosen? No – we must go thru the slog, the deep waters, to find Him – the way – the truth and the life. I love that you wrote so beautifully using Psalms 73 – its one of my life scriptures – actually one of my passwords (don’t tell any hackers out there). Our flesh and our hearts DO FAIL – but thankfully HE IS the strength of our hearts and our portion forever. He will be that for you today as you celebrate this final hurdle in your journey to wholeness.
    I also want you to know how much your journey/trial/hard times became my joy. Although I missed your mom so much in our CBS partnership – the discipline of preparing for the weekly teachings became such a sweet time of growth in my life. Each and every week the task seemed daunting but as I studied and prayed (supported in prayer by my brothers and sisters) the thoughts and words came – His thoughts and words!
    “But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, that shines brighter and brighter until the full day.” Proverbs 4:18. That verse is truth for each of us….Just as you are also finding Him to be more real than you ever thought and the path you are on more and more defined by His light.
    So go forward in His strength – celebrate the path for today and shine His light to all who you meet. You are precious my CA “adopted daughter”!! With love and gentle hugs, Rosey


  6. Your faith is like a beacon shining strongly through the darkest nights. Thank you for the true visual you have given me the to hold on to as life may blind side me on my journey. You will always be an inspiration.


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